Reading time: 8min.

by Natalie Bannerman

Connection and consciousness – what is tantric sex?

As I skim through the numerous women’s magazines during my lunch break, everything from the latest fashion trends to the newest celebrity gossip crosses my path but more than ever I see more and more features on this new sexual trend called Tantric Sex. According to these numerous sources Tantric Sex has been growing in popularity here in the west over the last few years. Perhaps more so when wife of famed singer songwriter Sting publicly admitted that she and her husband cite yoga and Tantric sex as the source of their intimate relationship. So naturally … I had to research this myself.

Born in India more than 6,000 years ago, Tantra emerged as a rebellion against organized religion, which held that sexuality should be rejected in order to reach enlightenment.

Tantra challenged this archaic belief, suggesting that sexuality was a doorway to the divine and that earthly pleasures were sacred acts. In particular Tantra teaches that sex exists for three primary reasons ‘procreation, pleasure & liberation’.

The word Tantra itself means “to manifest, to expand, to show and to weave.” Therefore sex is thought to expand consciousness and to weave together the polarities of male and female into a harmonious whole.

In the Tantric model, the sexual experience is seen as a dance with no beginning or end. There is no goal, only the present moment of heavenly union. For this reason, lovemaking is meditative, expressive and intimate. Tantra teaches lovers how to extend the peak of their sexual ecstasy so that women and men can experience several orgasms in a single sexual encounter.

One essential element of Tantra is taking time to become absorbed in oneself and their partner; the orgasm is simply a by-product of the connectedness we feel with our partner.

Here’s the step-by-step guide for beginners:

You begin by creating an environment that is free from distractions, an area that is calm, quiet and peaceful. Clean of clutter, decorated peacefully, warm, inviting and warm in temperature. Playing soft music, lighting candles, and being comfortable are all especially important in creating a Tantric environment.

Once you have created your ‘sacred space’, sit on the bed, face each other, look into each other’s eyes, and simply breathe. You have to get in touch with each other’s rhythm. You breathe in and out purposefully, paying attention to your lover’s rhythm. As you continue to breathe together, you become closer spiritually, more relaxed, and more in tune. The more attuned you are, the more aware and connected.

Begin your journey with a ritual. This may be something as simple as feeding each other delicious foods or sharing a glass of wine in the nude. Some couples enjoy bathing together in order to attune to each other.

Experiment with erotic touch to fully appreciate your partner. This most pleasurable practice will help you become better lovers. Although you should continue to maintain eye contact. Guide your partner as you take turns stimulating each other. Describe exactly how you would like to be touched.

Create a “pleasure chest.” Include whatever excites you and your partner—a feather, vibrator, massage oil, blindfold, soft fabric, erotica and loving notes to each other are just a few ideas. As you pleasure each other, don’t be shy about asking for something different. This is your time for appreciation, experimentation and for taking responsibility for your own fulfilment by asking for what you want.

Continue to gaze into each other’s eyes as much as possible. Sprinkle your lover’s face, neck and shoulders with light kisses and whisper words of love and encouragement. Help each other feel loved and desired.

Keep it slow. A long, slow build helps men control orgasm and piques women’s arousal. This means, while you are making love, when the man feels his orgasm impending, he should stop, breathe, come down a bit, and then continue to pleasure his partner and himself. This not only builds a tremendous level of sexual tension, but it also develops self-control, heightens the emotional connection, and makes the final release ten times more intense. If your thoughts should wander, gently bring your attention back to the present, concentrating on your lover and the moment at hand.

Bring your attention back to your breath. Resist the urge to breathe quickly. Quick breathing or panting creates arousal, speeding you toward orgasm. Instead, take long, slow, deep breaths from the belly, exhaling gradually. You may match your breath to that of your partner or try breathing alternately as you inhale your partner exhales.

Vary your positions to explore your duality. Different sex positions add to sexual pleasure and balance male and female energies. When lovers release themselves from gender roles, they are free to engage in deeper, more intimate sex. Men realize their sexual potential through surrender, by being soft and open, gentle and vulnerable. Women, in turn, can direct and initiate. As you experiment with different positions, explore your capacity to be strong and gentle, generous and receptive.

Eventually, both partners will get to the point when they have to release. Since Tantric sex involves a total connection, as you are preparing to release your sexual tension, make sure to look deeply into your lover’s eyes, feel their breathing, and communicate your feelings. When a couple is connected in this way, the orgasm that comes will be totally engulfing. Orgasm does not mean that journey ends though. Take the time to connect with one another, and the road to enlightenment will begin.

Go forth and explore … I know some of you don’t need any further encouragement.